My Testimony - B. Maxwell

This is my testimony, my rescue story…

I am extremely grateful to have known Jesus since I was a little boy. I can vividly recall my grandma leading me through the salvation prayer when I was six years old. While growing up, I maintained a childlike love for Christ. My faith was strong and my God truly led me through the good and the bad.

As I became a young adult, the path of Christ was not a popular one. I felt like I was missing out on life and slowly started to abandon my faith. I fell astray and began running from God. As I ran farther and farther away, I found myself looking for something, anything, to fill the enormous void I felt inside of me. My world was falling apart and I needed something to give me purpose.

One day, I found the mission and purpose I was looking for when I walked through the door of an Air Force recruiting office. My recruiter had a commanding presence. Sharply dressed and physically built, he shared his passion for the military and the fulfillment he got from being an Airman.

It did not take me long to realize, I had been searching for the military. I wanted to be one of the few that guarded our freedoms and protected those that could not protect themselves. The military was very strategic in molding me into a warrior. They helped me develop honor, integrity, and selflessness. They also gave me the tools necessary to help me harness the rage inside of me and direct it towards a common good. However, here is the thing about the military, no matter who you are or what you do, your service has an end date. My end date came much sooner than I expected. I got injured, became damaged, and was of little use as a warrior.

When I left the military, I was a mess. As each day passed, I felt more and more lost. I was slowly spiraling out of control. My mind began to grow foggy, my body became riddled with pain, and my soul was empty. I wish I could say this was the point I turned back towards God. Unfortunately, the opposite is true. I blamed and resented God for the misfortunes in my life. I continued to run even farther away from Him and went down a dark path with devastating effects.

I was too proud and arrogant to admit to God that I had failed and needed help. Instead, I turned to drugs and alcohol, anything, to escape the darkness that filled me. Anger, depression, guilt, trauma, rage, and shame soon filled my mind, body, and soul. I was angry with God and found myself even more lost. All I could picture was a life filled with anxiety, pain, regret, and shame. I did not want to live anymore and was tired of battling life. All I wanted was to feel alive again, to have peace.

I still remember the day I hit rock bottom and everything started to change. It was in the early morning hours and I was crippled with anxiety and nerve pain. As I tried to navigate through the darkness, I fell down and was unable to get myself up off the floor. No matter how loud I yelled out, nobody came to my assistance. My wife and all three of our dogs, who normally would awake at the slightest noise, all continued to sleep soundly.

It was in that moment that I finally cried out to God. I unleashed everything I had been holding inside of me and surrendered it to Him. It was ugly but when I was done, a miraculous thing happened. I heard a voice deep inside of me whisper, "Everything is going to be okay." It was in that moment, I knew my God was listening and He heard my cries. Immediately, I felt a great comfort and peace overcome my body. I began to understand that God had not abandoned me. He was right beside me, through it all.

That was the moment, the miracle moment, in which He changed everything for me and nothing has been the same ever since. Slowly my mind has become clearer, my body has begun to heal, and my soul has been renewed with the power of the Holy Spirit. I now walk and talk with God. He calls me his child and friend, as I continue to seek his guidance and wisdom.

God demonstrated his enormous love for me when I least deserved it and he welcomed me back into his loving arms. He has given me a new mission and purpose, and he continues to bring me great peace and lasting joy. If God did it for me, I know he will do it for you!